i never know that living in an empty house without family by your side could be more than just lonely.. it's a feeling that not quite describable.. more like a sense of desperation to cling on to someone dear to me for that kind of warmth and security that only family can give me.. but right now, there's no one yet.. probably my best friend would because i know she will always be there for me but she's now too far away from me for that instant warmth and love.. i need some good chats, some quality time, some company and some space that's shared with somebody.. i just need somebody to share my deep feeling with.. but i'm not sure who to look out for except her because only she can comfort me and give me strength.. although feeling down, i'm not quite willing to go join my family.. not because i've got something important to settle but merely giving myself a chance to prove to myself that i'm strong enough to take care of myself and been alone without any help..

right now there's some serious thinking going through my head.. life is full of ups and downs.. after a bumpy ride on the down side of life, we will finally move on smoothly.. i'm here again at the junction, thinking and deciding the way life shld go.. it's like a gambling game because only one way will bring you to a smooth journey.. which way to go.. i'm confused=((